Down Home

How to have an impromptu high school class reunion:

Wake up late, decide not to shower (maybe for the third day).  It's not like you have anything important to do - you're spending the weekend at home with mom!  Skip the makeup, just for good measure. 

Determine there's nothing to eat in the house.  Make a list of 100 other things that need to be picked up at the store.  Toss on a pair of gym shorts and head to Wal-Mart.  Don't bother with the running shoes, it's clear that you're not headed near a gym any time soon.  Flip flops will do just fine... it's not like you need to get fancy for Wallyworld.

Pick up a number of conveniently embarrassing items for the house.  Products involving  hair removal, acne medication, or "regularity" will work best.  And tampons, of course. 

Choose the slowest checkout line available and make the commitment to waiting it out; forget self checkout, you're trapped in line for the duration.  

Now brush up on those classmates' names, because if you've followed the steps carefully you're guaranteed to see 80% of your graduating class.  No, not your BFF that regularly sees you looking like crap after a late night out.  You're going to run into every they-were-adorable-then-and-dammit-they're-still-cute-now couple from your high school class that you haven't seen in 8 years.  Probably even an ex-boyfriend.  But only if you really went for the gold and wore the only thing still left in your home closet: your three-sizes-too-big Disney t-shirt. 

And to think, all that reconnection could have been avoided if you'd just showered, put on make-up, and thrown on a real outfit.